7 Things to Know Before You Get Divorced

Available for Interviews: Teddi Ann Barry

Teddy Ann Barry, Esq. is a family attorney and writer who has been serving families through divorce and custody and has been practicing family law for over twenty years; and also comes with a wealth of experience in mediation and collaborative law. She is also the author of The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Divorce in Colorado.

What Teddi Ann Barry can say in an interview on
What to Know Before You Get Divorced:

Divorce can be stressful and hurtful. How you approach divorce, from the first conversation to the last day in Court, can make a difference.  Here are 7 things to know before you get divorced.

1. Hurt People Hurt People

Some of the worst things you will ever say or hear happen during divorce.  If you are hurting, acknowledge it and refrain from hurting those around you.  Also, remember, if your spouse is saying or doing awful things to you through the divorce, they are likely hurting too.

2. Keep It Private

While we all need someone to talk to and confide in during divorce, telling everyone, or taking to social media to rant about your divorce or soon-to-be X is not helpful for anyone.  Your kids don’t need the details of your adult matter.  You should find 2 or 3 people who know you well and maybe know your spouse to be able to talk to as you go through your divorce.

3. Consider Counseling

Hopefully, if you decide to divorce, you and your spouse at least attempted counseling before filing for divorce.  There is often so much to process, from the panic of losing everything, to the idea of a new identity, to creating boundaries with your former spouse and being alone.  Whether one session, monthly, or weekly counseling sessions as you get through the divorce, having a professional to help you process your divorce may be very helpful.

4. Address EVERY Other Issue First

Before you call the divorce attorney or run to the courthouse to file papers, ask yourself why your marriage is struggling.  Does someone have a drug or alcohol problem that hasn’t been treated?  Has someone been unfaithful?  Are there mental health issues or physical health problems to address first?  Marriage is hard!  Make sure you tried everything to save the marriage before deciding to get divorced.

5. Make Sure You’re Sure 

For many couples, a trial separation and counseling may make sense before going forward with a divorce.  Often a trial separation with some intensive counseling can help couples better understand each other, themselves, and what may be needed to save the marriage can be helpful.  On the other hand, the same process may help one or both spouses know divorce is the best answer for them.

An irretrievably broken marriage only takes one spouse to declare it so.  Sometimes one spouse absolutely does not want to get divorced.  When one spouse is sure, the other doesn’t have to be certain.

6. Keep Safe

Do you fear for your safety when confronting your spouse?  Is one of you high-tempered or has trouble controlling anger?  Avoid difficult conversations in private places during your divorce if being alone scares you…  stay out in public, or keep your communications in writing.

Stay checked in with your own mental health too.  Are you suddenly sleeping more than normal?  Drinking too much? Crying or yelling a lot?  Find good friends, keep busy with work and your social life, and if you need help, get help.

7. Timing Is Everything

Remember how important timing is from the first conversation about getting divorced and throughout the process.  Don’t have hard conversations when someone is tired, preoccupied, or possibly under the influence of drugs or alcohol.  Avoid negotiating your settlement before you have all the facts, or when someone is rushed or emotional.  Once documents are filed with the Court, you are on a timeline and have deadlines to meet.  Do your best to stay ahead of the deadlines, and give yourself plenty of time to consult with a lawyer before signing anything.


Interview: Teddi Ann Barry

Teddi Ann Barry, Esq. is the Founder of Teddy Ann Barry, PSC., and has been an attorney for over twenty years. Other areas of law practiced are mediation and collaborative law. Teddy is based in the Cherry Creek office and practices family law exclusively. She is also the author of The Do-It-Yourself Guide to Divorce in Colorado: Get In, Get Out, Get Over It.

Teddy is a former guardian ad litem and Respondent parents’ counsel, representing the best interests of children placed in the custody of the State and the parents accused of abuse and neglect of their children by the State.

As an alumna of Creighton University in Omaha, Nebraska, for both her undergraduate and Juris Doctorate degrees, Teddy is proud to have been educated at Creighton University, which is one of 28 Jesuit Catholic universities throughout the country, that teaches, among many wonderful values, service.  I have been serving others in family law since 2000.

Teddy has been a business owner for over 17 years and continues to build a firm with experienced and well-respected professionals who can offer the highest level of client care, advocacy, skilled negotiation, and litigation if and when absolutely necessary.


Jo Allison
Managing Editor
Director of Public Relations
Success In Media, Inc.

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