Relationship Rules: 5 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

Interview Carol Barkes

Carol Barkes is a trend-setting mediator, business executive and educator specializing in the use of neuroscience to improve business performance, interpersonal communications, negotiation and conflict resolution processes for optimally successful results.

Talking Points From Carol Barkes
On 5 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last:

1) Remember, our brains naturally cling to negative information more than positive information. It is due to our primal survival brain that sees negative things as threats. So . . . constructive criticism is still criticism. Talk about the matter that is frustrating you and discuss the process or how to make the situation better. Do not criticize your partner.  

2) Offset any negative comment with at least three positive comments to neutralize the comment. If you want to improve your relationship, say five positive things for every one negative statement and you gradually improve your relationship.

3) Express appreciation: Find nice things to say. Look for them consciously. By doing so, you train your brain to see good things more regularly. If that is a challenge, teach yourself to look at things differently. If there are dishes in the sink, it is because you have food to eat. If your partner is messy, at least you have someone to share a home with. If you have dirty toilets, you have indoor plumbing! Not to minimize your feelings, these are just good exercises for your brain to reframe the negative into a more positive light.

4) Keep in mind our brains can be lazy. After a year, our brains know we don’t have to work as hard for a mate because we have one. Fight that natural tendency towards complacency by keeping regular date nights or weekends. Remind yourself to show up as you did when you were dating. Get out of the sweatpants from time to time!

5) Find ways to add intrigue. Look for ways to surprise your partner and keep things fresh. Continually find new things to do together. It will keep your brains engaged and keep you bonded to one another for many happy, blissful years to come.

Available for Interviews: Carol Barkes, MBA, CPM

Carol Barkes is a trend-setting mediator, business executive and educator specializing in the use of neuroscience to improve business performance, interpersonal communications, negotiation and conflict resolution processes for optimally successful results.

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