Carol Barkes, CPM, MBA, is a conflict resolution expert, mediator, national speaker, educator and bestselling author who uniquely applies neuroscience to the fields of conflict resolution and negotiations. Her expert perspective is always fresh and relevant.
on Dating After Divorce:
1) Work to check your intrinsic biases. Roughly 98% of our thoughts are unconsciously driven and our brains are fairly lazy seeking to conserve energy. Our brains also look for patterns. Consequently, a new person in our lives may do something that makes our brain connect the dots back to something our ex’s did and we can have an inappropriate reaction. Instead, observe your thoughts and question why you are reacting the way you are. It may have nothing to do with your present relationship.
2) Take the time to know yourself. You have changed as a result of your previous relationship and its failure. Give yourself room to let your brain come to terms with your new reality. Allow time to create the new version of yourself. The best way to do this is to create time on your calendar. Do not over-schedule yourself. Instead, take time to be quiet and let your brain recharge and navigate your next course.
3) Watch your internal dialog. It is easy to have a large amount of negative self-talk when a relationship fails. To counterbalance a negative thought it takes three positive thoughts to neutralize it. To dig out of the negative self-talk, it takes a 5-to-1 ratio.
Interview: Carol Barkes
Carol Barkes, CPM, MBA, is a trend-setting mediator, business executive and educator specializing in the use of neuroscience to improve business performance, interpersonal communications, negotiation and conflict resolution processes for optimally successful results. She is also a speaker, educator, and author of the bestselling book: Success Breakthroughs: Leading Entrepreneurs and Professionals Reveal Their Secrets for Breaking Through to Success.
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