How To Be Happy When You’re Single

 

Carol Barkes, CPM, MBA, is a conflict resolution expert, mediator, national speaker, educator and bestselling author who uniquely applies neuroscience to the fields of conflict resolution and negotiations. Her expert perspective is always fresh and relevant.

What Carol Barkes could say in an interview
on Being Happy and Single:

1) Happy is a state based off of who you are—period.  It is not based on your relationship status. Happiness should come intrinsically rather than extrinsically.

2) When comparing ourselves to others in relationships, that often generates envy. Envy is the looking at something someone else has and wanting it for ourselves. It is part of our genetic brain wiring that looks at what others have in a relationship to survival.  A relationship can signify more resources and support to our brain. It can also drive us to want those same resources and support. This is just science, and if we recognize this to be a normal process, it can take away from the negative emotions we attach it.

3) There are some positives to being single. Not having to compromise, being able to do anything, anytime with anyone, living to your own standards, more time for friends, etc. are all some things that most people would say are enjoyable.

4) Neuroscience can offer optimism. Remind yourself daily what you did well that day and why. Better yet, do this in writing as it triggers different neural networks in the brain. By focusing on the positive it helps steer our brain away from its natural tendency to dwell on negativity. The silver lining of this process is that we become what we focus on—more positive.  AND better still, positive people attract more people.